Wednesday, January 16, 2013

confessions p 25

I heard a love story
When I was a child
Or in the womb
Sharing my mother's dreams
And since then
I haven't stopped
Looking for my own.
As with so many stories
There was no beginning.
One day, like any other
I heard a whisper of the unnameable
Breathed in the fumes of its scent
Like water, and it was invisible
But it filled such lungs in me
That I knew nothing in an instant.
And just like that, I was in love
Though I knew not at the time
Because being in love
I couldn't fathom being out of it.
And I don't have the words
Not in a dozen lifetimes
To describe what happens in my chest
When I hear the faintest brush
Of my Beloved's skirts.


Soon She will send an army
To taste the color of my blood...
They will assume the shape of my fears
They will wear my face
Speak in my twisted tongue
Words from my own broken mouth.


I heard the sounds of Her army
as I was layering on warpaint
expecting a sea of swords
ruthless killers with my eyes
my own words morphing
into indescribable beasts, many-headed dragons
and everything else that dogma
had my mind imagining.
But just before the shadows of my fears
became solid reality
a crepuscular ray broke through the clouds
and what seemed at first a sliver of light
burst through the veil of the sky
It was like seeing the sun for the first time
like stepping out into color
from a cave of black and white shades.
And I saw Her army with eyes
no longer filmed over with veils
and instead of a sea of shields and swords
there were endless rows of roses
petals blossoming over and over
impossibly closer and closer
until they were opening up inside me
opening me up from the inside
opening and opening
and words failed me
there was just that burning longing
white flames licking at the home
I had carved from fear
and I wanted to weep it was so beautiful
but all I could hear were peals of children's laughter


(Love does not require bloodshed and empires
To test vows sworn in Her name
But She demands the whole of the heart that speaks them
and that is the greatest battle of all.)

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