Monday, February 5, 2018

Confessions p 36

The hand moves, the heart breathes, the whole world sleeps
What dreams await us? the forgetful and forgotten
What company waits for us gathered around a fire
burning the darkness away, peeling back layer after layer
Do I have the heart to look at what's behind the curtain?
Why are melancholy and grief anchors?
What do I seek on these roads?
My heart, be still, peek beneath the hood
Being, please grant me the strength to be steadfast
Being, let me take root not in the garden of my self
but in the endless beginnings and renewals of being
Why does the hand stray? Or the feet wander?
What do the eyes seek, over and over?
The garden of Being is right here, it is not without
I will not stumble onto it, lest I find it within
I will not make an altar of myself, to myself
what is this self and this Self?
The difference is a razor blade's edge
Why does the tongue shrink? or the back hunch?
What notice do I seek to escape?
What if I lay right now, on the final resting place of these bones?
What if the light were to slowly extinguish right now?
Death, please accept this student
Open the doors of your library to me
Let me sit inside your temple
I can be forgetful, self-deceiving
I put things off for tomorrow
as though tomorrow were owed to me
I can be selfish, petty, spiteful and proud
willfully ignorant of truths I do not love
My faults are numerous
But I am earnest
I am sincere in my desire to learn
Death, set aside a last chance for me today
I beg you, please keep your doors open for me
though I may be late, or announce myself rudely
though I am ignorant of your customs
though a storm may follow in my wake
though I may take your name in vain
it is because I fear taking Life in vain that I seek your tutelage
So guide me from the flashing lights to the darkness
If knowledge and wisdom seek immortality
then guide me from knowledge to ignorance
guide me from all of tomorrow's broken promises to right now
Brace my knees and grip, give me something to look up to
as you guide me from comfort to learning
And guide me from dying
to dying gratefully