reflections

I sit here
wondering what's real,
if you'll be like this
or like that,
really I'm discovering
parts of myself.
And that's what makes it
so exquisite.
I look for you, I see me.
I look for me, and I see you.

confessions p.5

She* said it would hurt,
and it does,
and I can...
I can be a great desert,
barren abyss, light-less.
I can be empty spaces
or Robert Frost's "desert places".
I can be the inertia of sleep,
I can taste everything
that I dislike, within myself.
And I will hurt,
and this heart will break,
and I can spend my moments
in lethargic nostalgia,
trying to pick up the pieces.

***

Or I can find that heart of hearts
in the spaces between moments,
throw it in abandon to the wind,
and I can laugh
in the face of each heartbreak.
And laughing, I can greet
each of Rumi's "daily guests,"
even sorrow and melancholy
will get their chuckle,
because there is something
in my soul that cannot be defined
in any emotional state,
some magical alchemy
that wants to flood out every day,
like pure being,
or the opposite of fear...

***************
-Robert Frost's Desert Places:  http://www.internal.org/Robert_Frost/Desert_Places
-Rumi's the Guest House:  http://www.panhala.net/Archive/The_Guest_House.html

*the "She" in the opening line is a reference to this song:
http://hypem.com/#/track/679768/Kleerup+feat+Robyn+-+With+Every+Heartbeat

cyssan

Your kiss, lips circling

hovering soul speak

left hemisphere choke

motion merges to picture.

The sun kisses my face

solar eclipse at the mouth

hands wielding time, frozen

tasting the honesty in your tongue

the hope in your breath.

Reason fails here, lids shut

thoughts nestle, like jigsaw pieces

till I don't know your eyes from mine.

tasting worlds

i have these vivid moments

when i see my words, my thoughts

captured in the stillness of an image

an endless sea 

of all the people i know
and maybe will know

each of them holds a world in his/her hands

each is a world in her/his right

in each lie untold possibilities

from each a particular light emanates

through each a thousand branches unfurl

and i, unrecognizable

drunk from everyone's fire

looking for that raging inferno

that endless drop
that setless sun
 into which I can disappear

my resolution

wish that i could let go.
wish that i could let u know.
i'm broken at the seams.
i'm in this all alone.
i've become almost ephemeral,
my center's become undone,
and there's no time, no extensions.
i'm sitting here sifting through words,
and bittersweet memories,
tired of being nostalgic,
tired of this ration that privilege has doled out to me,
and most of all, tired of being tired.
and i know there's no time,
no one gets extensions,
i'm here now and already gone,
this moment started and is already done.
i'm lost now and already found
in the spaces between moments,
looking for myself through your eyes.

confessions p. 4

I turned away from the guests to the kitchen for a moment to gather a wet cloth and clean the spill.  I turned on the tap, and as the water flowed over my hands, I felt a sudden wave, of something intense, almost indescribable. The whole night flashed before my eyes, every single beautiful, unsaid detail, every little trembling accumulation of this overwhelming now.  What rapture there can be in the ordinary.  What rapture, in simplicity.

the confinement of words p.4

I sit here, juggling words
with hands that don't even work
because of this torrent in my chest
How can I weigh words
I have been made weightless
How can I make sense
when I have been struck senseless
How can I be coherent
when there is so much beauty around me?
Now, all I want is silence...

Une Affaire de Coeur

I don't know how

under what guise

with what intent.

I've known no time

other than now

I've known no place

but here, the heart.

***

Given so much

in so little

from nothingness

'come everything.

Immersed in love

'round faithlessness.

Struck still in that

im-pos-si-ble

ascent of breath.

So much, know not

only knowing

that I, from naught

now standing on

the precipice

to everything.

There was no fear
during all this
nor certitude
no doubt, ego
no sense of self
nor greater whole.
***

I don't know how

under what guise

with what intent

from nothingness

I've come to taste

this endlessness.

I've known no time

other than now

I've known no place

but here, the heart.

we've already known each other

I saw you like a face in a passing car.
Like someone picking out a familiar
voice in dark room of strangers.
I saw you like an intimate touch
stirring memories in my pores,
like a smell that grabs and throws
you down a forgotten alleyway,
or an unspoken language that seeps,
like water, through parched lips.
I saw you like a random reflection
of myself, like the residue
of an unborn photograph.
I see you now with closed eyes,
and it's as though each part of my body
becomes a hundred eyes
soaking in your being.

the faceless

For eons, I've searched

for your face.

Every taste of your trace,

is like life and death

in the same breath.

So long, I've listened

for your voice,

till tongue and ear 'come one.

If night and day

were man and woman,

it would be your song

that compels their feet into dance,

and sets the motion of the stars.

If a rose had hands

in the place of thorns,

it would uproot itself

at a (mere) hint of your glance.

If the sun could see

it would become your moon

and lay at your feet,

begging for just one glimpse.

If non-existence

could become existence,

then "I love you"

could mean "I love me" too...

when did I fall asleep?

I have these dreams where

I am searching, like a moth

through countless flames

for a raging inferno

burning for complete consummation.

I have these dreams where

every single moment of my life

is an unfathomable miracle in itself.

Where everything that takes place

is an unimaginably beautiful reconciliation 

of contradicting dualities.

I have these dreams

where I feel more awake

than I've ever been.

Where everything 

brings me back to you.

Where nothing needs a name

but everything has a story.

Where there is no longer any distinction

between the words "you" and "I"

a bed of hidden nights and reveries

I had a dream, of walking a well lit road
In the distance could be heard words in many languages
The comfort of firelight lit the woods like fireflies
And the smell of food and the sounds of company
Joyous, full of laughter, made me pause, thinking it home
But restless, the road stretched on, carrying me with it
To different fires, different faces, different words and names
All saying: "rest awhile, take off your shoes"
My heart, I could feel in my feet
And weary, I laid them down to sleep
Yet when the dying coals became cold
I awoke, seized again with restlessness
In that shroud of darkness I could not find my shoes
So barefoot I stumbled on, until the road became a path
And even that, eventually disappeared
There was no moon, nor stars
I could not even see my feet
So gingerly they stepped, hesitant
Before my imagining of what lay ahead
In that darkness, sound became scent
Sight became touch, and everything was felt
There, motes of dust carried more weight than words
There, my eyes became my feet
My feet became my heart
And I could feel the grass blades bracing
For the kiss from the morning dew
Wordless, shoeless, I carried on